


The Moon Is Yellow And I'm Your Fellow

by Bonymaloney (orphan_account)



Series: Melt With You [5]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anilingus, Blood and Injury, Dom Robbie, Facial Shaving, Flower Crowns, Glanni is sacrelicious, Here Hold My Sportscandy, Knife fighting, M/M, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Possible Character Death, Shower play, TFW Your Dad Dresses Better Than You Do, Wedding, Wedding Night, Wedding Planning, Worlds Worst Bachelor Party, awkward family dynamics, magical healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-17 10:35:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9319874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Bonymaloney
Summary: It's almost the big day for Robbie and Sportacus, but there's a danger in Lazytown and it could ruin everyone's day. Plus, will Sportacus ever be able to find a tuxedo that doesn't split at the shoulders when he flexes?





	1. Snuck back into shade

**Author's Note:**

> The smut chapter is chapter 5 FYI.

"You're sure you don't want to come with us, Robbie?"

Robbie rolled his eyes and huffed. "A weekend to myself, finally some peace and quiet in the lair! I can't wait. Besides, it's your bachelor party. "

The Elvish word Sportacus had actually used for the event sounded similar, in Robbies ears, to the word he used when reminiscing about his manhood trial; and _that_ had involved a frozen lake and an active volcano. At the very least there was apparently going to be camping and singing. Robbie couldn't imagine anything worse. 

"I'm going to eat cake and sleep in, and finish the tuxedos. Since you insist on getting married in blue and white..."

"It's my colours, Robbie, my mother's colours! Of course, if you prefer I could always get married in yellow and brown?" He grinned and Robbie couldn't help grinning back. 

"I love you, my Robbie." Sportacus hefted his backpack. 

"Get out of here, Sportadork. "

Robbie took a bath with plenty of lavender foam. He ate half a cake, then spent some time fiddling with the formalwear settings on the disguise machine. He watched the kids - the brats - for a while, using the periscope. Not because he'd promised Sportacus he'd keep an eye on them, just in case they had something fun to steal. Then, exhausted by the afternoons efforts, he relaxed into his chair. He slept well for once, with no Sportacus around to keep him awake with noisy sex, noisy sports, or noisily interfering with his villainous plans. 

The following day passed much the same. Sportacus sent him mail, a rather nice etching of himself surrounded by a group of stocky, grinning men and women, all with sandy blonde hair and awful sportswear. Sportacus was doing a one handed hand stand. Robbie looked at the picture in his chair as he ate the other half of the cake, trying and failing to keep a smile from his face. 

The tapping on the pipe roused him from a pleasant nap. He couldn't say why, but something about it made him uneasy, and he held his breath, half-hoping and half-fearing it wouldn't be repeated.

It wasn't. Instead there was a rustling, ratcheting sound, and then the hatch was opening. A whoosh and a cackle, and then Glanni was standing over him. 

He was still thin as a rake, all sharp angles. He was greyer at the temples than when Robbie last saw him, but that wasn't surprising... how long had it been exactly? He walked with a cane now, black and topped with a large roughly cut crystal. His boot heels clickied on the floor of the lair, imperious and mischievous, and Robbie remembered lavish clothes and toys and sweets, but also fleeing home in the middle of the night, or being sent to stay with one of his uncles...

Have you been on the run or in jail or just too busy? He wanted to ask, and are you proud of my lair? It causes structural instability in almost 70% of downtown Lazytown. 

He settled, instead, for "How did you get in?"

"The door wasn't locked in any meaningful way. Besides, you invited me! I'm not going to miss my sons wedding! Do you like my cane? The President had one just like it."

"Yes, Father, and I'm really happy you're here, but it's nearly a week away and..."

"I've come to take you out, show you how to have some fun." Glanni looked around him, eyebrow arched. 

"I do have fun!" 

"Yes, I've heard... You've been doing a lot of sport." Glanni leered at him and Robbie felt his heart sink.

The bar was dark and dingy. The clientele was all sharp suits and killer heels, and should have looked overdressed, but they fitted in perfectly. It was crowded, but when Glanni approached a table it was suddenly empty. He sat in a large chair that was slightly raised above the rest, it's back against the wall under what Robbie was fairly sure was a famous painting. It made him look as though he were sitting on a throne, and it meant he could see the entire room, and the exits. 

It also meant that Robbie had his back to the room, which he hated. Although whatever the pink stuff in the heavy cut glasses was, it was helping him feel better about it. Glanni was holding forth and Robbie just let his voice drift past him, blending with the music and the conversation surrounding him. This wasn't so bad. It would be over soon and he could go back to bed. 

"...there just isn't the same reward in crime as there used to be," Glanni was saying. "Not unless you're good with a computer, or politics. Even you, with your lair and your gizmos. What was the last thing you stole, eh?"

"A... A pie." Cherry and vanilla, Ms Busybody's windowsill, only four days ago. 

"A pie."

"... It was a really good pie."

"You just ate it? It didn't make you any money?"

"You know I don't need money. The lair funds itself."

"Yes yes yes, I know, the little lazy robot vacuum thing. How _villainous_."

"But I'm being a villain just for the fun of it! Surely that makes me worse than if I was doing it out of need. "

Glanni flicked at Robbies fingers to change the subject. "Could have done your nails," he sniffed. "All that grease, like a mechanic. Anyway, how does this marriage thing work? You a villain and him a hero..."

Another round of drinks arrived. Robbie grabbed at it desperately. 

"I don't know, it's just... It's good, you know? He's so... And he..." His head was spinning. Not trusting himself to form words, he pulled out the picture of Sportacus. "Look at him."

"He looks like a cow."

"Father!"

"He's a cow, and he's a hero, and he's an elf and you're not and that has implications, you know?" Glannis expression softened, and Robbie thought he was looking rather wistfully at the picture, touching it lightly. "But, he makes you happy, and I just want my boy to be happy." He grinned, and the old mischief was back in his eyes. "Now, entertainment!" The lights on the room changed, and Robbie suddenly felt very vulnerable. 

"You didn't get me a stripper, did you?"

"What do you take me for?" Robbie relaxed a little. 

"... I got you five strippers."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No offence to anyone who owns a Roomba, I've got one too and it's ace. It's just that it's a labour saving robot and it begins with R, it was too perfect for Robbie to have invented it.
> 
> Chapter title is from Diabolic Scheme by The Hives. It's literally the most Glanni song ever.


	2. When you catch my coat tails I'll be miles away

It was hour fourteen of the hike, and Sportacus felt a bone deep contentment that came from good exercise, good company, and the thought of Robbie relaxing at home, happy and contented. He was probably wrapped up in his dressing gown, enjoying a hot cup of cocoa with his feet up. It was difficult to work out what time it would be back in Lazytown, but that never mattered much to Robbie anyway. 

Belly full of apples and glacier melt, head full of Robbie, he felt like he could walk forever, just feeling the sun on his skin, listening to the birdsong and the little animals and the distant yelling...

"Ten! TEN!"

He turned, to see the party had stopped, several hundred feet behind him. His sister Diana and his cousins stared at him expectantly, his mother had a fond look in her eyes, and Pabbi...

"Lovesick fool," he snorted. "You could have walked right over a cliff and not even noticed."

"Sorry, Pabbi."

"This is the place, anyway. Our family have been coming here for centuries, and it's always worked out well for us, eh, Arora?" He winked at Mamma, and she winked back. The cousins all careful avoided each other's eyes. 

"Now. The place you want is straight up there. Just to the right of the pine tree. The red ones. Do you see them?"

Sportacus peered upwards. The path they were standing on was bisected by a quick blue stream, which came rushing down the hillside in a torrent between sharp stones, so clear you could see the sandy bed, so cold he was pretty sure that was ice... Right at the top, where the spray caught the sun and turned into rainbows, he thought he could see them. 

"Remember, son, there are no points for style..."

Pabbi harrumphed. "There are always points for style. "

Sportacus grinned and began warming up. This was going to be _fun_. 

Later, after they had eaten, and everyone had wrestled to decide who would wash the plates, Sportacus sat at his Ammi's feet and watched her build the fire. 

After he'd opened and closed his mouth a few times, and practised lifting his whole body off the ground from a sitting position, she placed her hand lightly on his head. 

"What's bothering you, Ten?"

"Why is Pabbi being so short tempered?"

"It's difficult for him. You're still his baby. And your human... _I_ don't have a problem with him. Such a polite boy, and it's nice to meet someone who really knows how to dress... But there's a history there, with Mayhemtown."

"But Robbie's never been to Mayhemtown! And Pabbi never talks about."

"Because he didn't want you to follow him there, thinking there was some sort of unfinished business or something. He was so proud of you, when you became a hero, because you're so good. He wants you to stay good." She ruffled his hair. "I think a villain will be good for you. When the world is bad to you, he can be bad right back."

"Sportacus!" Diana was yelling. "We found a cave!" 

Ammi nodded and gave him a smile, and Sportacus ran off into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Restless Year by Ezra Furmann.


	3. The gun's in my hand and I know it looks bad but...

Robbie emerged from his lair and flinched at the sunlight. Beside him, Glanni, in a huge pair of sunglasses and a casual day boa, winced delicately. 

"So, what do you do for fun in sleepy little Lazytown?" he asked, and then his lips drew back into a suggestive grin. "Of course, I can always make my own fun. Maybe look up an old flame..." Robbie followed his gaze across the square to see Ms Busybody bustling along, and his heart sank. 

"She's actually with the Mayor now. I think."

Glannis grin broadened. "The Mayor?" He sounded impressed. "Maybe they'd be interested in a three way..."

Robbie was saved from the images in his head by the sound of singing. It was beautiful, sweet and unearthly, and it went through him like a dentists drill. It was curing his hangover, but in the same way a triple espresso and an ice bath would.

The sports elves arrived into town, singing and flipping and making the flowers grow where they landed. The others sang with them, but walked in a slightly more self-possessed manner. Robbie saw the woman wearing what almost looked like a lab coat, in the way Sportacus' uniform almost looked like a normal tracksuit, and recognised Sportacus' mother. Beside her, elves in jump suits and robes, all with that same bright eyed clear skinned beauty and enthusiasm for the world that Sportacus only got away with around Robbie because he also had an ass that wouldn't quit. It was awful, and Robbie groaned. 

"The woman, the science elf," Robbie began, unsticking his tongue from the roof of his mouth, "she's his mother. Next to her is Uncle Erasmus, something to do with, I want to say farming... The old lady doing cartwheels is his grandmother. Not sure where his father is..."

Glanni grinned. "Íþróttaálfurinn!" he yelled. Ignoring the two or three other men who responded, he sauntered his way towards Sportacus' father. 

Sportacus himself chose that moment to appear. "Hi, Robbie!" he chirped, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. "Did you have a good weekend? I got you a present in the mountains, but it's - what's wrong?"

Robbie could only gesture wordlessly. Sportscus followed his gaze to the two men now facing off in the middle of the playground. 

"Ah."

"I've heard of a long con, but this is despicable even for you, Glaepur. Using your own son to infiltrate my family..."

"Are you trying to suggest my Robert isn't good enough for your cub?"

"All I'm saying is, all that versti fantur trickery stuff might not have skipped a generation..."

"Pabbi! Robbie did not trick me into marrying him. And I'm not a cub!"

"...hatchling?"

"Shut _up_ , Father..."

"Guys!" Stephanie came running towards them, and Robbie suddenly felt cold. She was the most level headed of all the kids, and for her to look this upset...

"There was a monster. It took the other kids, it was going to take me but I ran really fast." Her eyes were white all the way around. "It was a troll."

Gasps of consternation from the gathered elves, and from the humans who had come to join them. 

"Aha!" Íþróttaálfurinn pointed an angry finger at Glanni and Robbie. "This is your doing!"

"Troll? I never touch the dirty things."

"And I never actually managed to catch one, remember?" Robbie protested. His Father and Íþróttaálfurinn looked as if they were about to start fighting then and there. He could see Glannis eyes darting, assessing the ground, escape routes, potential hostages - 

"It was him." Diana marched forward, dragging a young looking sports elf by the elbow. "Thorstein thought it would be funny to put a baby troll in your airship on your wedding night."

Glanni snorted. "To be fair, that would have been pretty funny."

"It's just... Saving humans from other humans is hero on easy mode, you know?" Sportacus' cousin whined as Diana slapped his head. "I wanted to see if you could fight a troll. I guess the mama came back for her baby..."

"And everyone else's babies,"  
Sportacus muttered. "I will speak to you later. Stephanie, are you ok? Can you show me which way they went?"

She quickly gave Sportacus directions and they programmed them into his bracer. The elves ran quickly out of town, grim determination on their faces. The remaining humans murmured amongst themselves, then left to go to their homes, casting backwards glances at Robbie, like they expected nothing of him. 

Then only Stephanie was left, looking up at him full of hope, and that was somehow ten times worse. 

"What do you want from me, Pinky?" he growled. 

"Robbie, what if Sportacus gets hurt? You have all those gadgets... Maybe you could help?"

Robbie grumbled and wriggled, but there was no getting away from it. 

"I'm only doing this so my wedding day doesn't get ruined by a bunch of whiny brats."

He thought hard about his lair, visualised the costume and the place it was stored, twirled. In his place stood the Troll Hunter, proud and clever. 

"I can't believe what this town has done to you," Glanni huffed. 

The thing was, Robbie thought as he jogged, you didn't actually need to fight the trolls. Didn't need to interact with them at all, in fact. If you found the brats you could sneak them out in stealth mode, a sneak attack, minimal casualties and home in time for the weather. It was the kind of approach a genius would take, not an elf with more muscles than sense. 

With frequent pauses to catch his breath, he made his way into the forest, until he felt rather than heard the sound of something massive moving up ahead. Creeping cautiously forward, he came to the edge of a clearing. Cliffs on one side, a horrible drop on the other, and right in the middle...

It was so big he was scared to look at it, a fierce and ugly troll. Elves stood braced, wards charged and ready to fight. There was a little outcropping of rock, and behind it he could just make out the outlines of the kids, huddling as if that could offer them any protection. 

It was perfect, Robbie thought. Let the elves distract the troll, and while its attention was elsewhere he could get them out. He took a few seconds, concentrating on nothing, making it so he was really really difficult to notice. Careful not to make a sound, he began to pick his way across the grass...

And then he saw Sportacus, no apparent magic on him at all, squaring up to the thing that was the size of a building like some god damn nineteenth century prizefighter, and his heart leapt into his mouth. The glamours all fell away, and Robbie ran. 

He never knew something so big could move so quickly. Something struck him from behind and he was flying through the air like a rag doll, crashing to the ground beside the kids. 

"Robbie Rotten!"

It was hard to breathe. "Kids... Behind me, kids." It was a selfish act, really. His first instinct was to use them as four tasty, bite size human shields, but he couldn't stand the thought of dying with Sportacus hating him, so he didn't really have much choice. 

His chest felt like a wet paper bag. Robbie had always thought he'd be someone who left terribly clever last words, ideally at the age of about ninety or so, but as the troll loomed over him he found that all he could think of was how much he wanted cake. 

There was a hissing in the air, a terrifying growling sound, and then Glanni launched himself out of nowhere, switchblade in hand, and he was good with it, because the next thing Robbie saw was the troll staggering to one knee, roaring in pain. It was hamstrung. The elves pushed forward, cheering, and Glanni cackled as they drove it back, towards the edge of the cliff and over, and as it fell it grabbed and Robbie saw his father vanish over the side, still laughing. 

He lay back, surprised by the hot wet on his face that he supposed must be tears. He'd often thought he hated Glanni. A sob took him by surprise and sent new, white hot pain through his chest and up and down his spine. 

"I suppose you can use my handkerchief, if you must." Stingy's voice was the last thing he heard as he blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Lightsaber Cocksucking Blues by Mclusky.


	4. The spirit's on me like a live wire

For the first time in his life, Sportacus felt slow. He ran across the clearing, ran towards Robbie and the kids, and every step was like he was moving through treacle. 

"Are you ok?"

They were shaken and tearful, but they seemed otherwise fine; and God help him but Sportacus didn't know what he would have done if they'd been otherwise, because all his focus was on Robbie, still and broken. He was pale and clammy, face bruised and lip split, and his chest wasn't moving right, it was shallow and uneven. Sportacus' medical knowledge didn't extend much beyond sprained knees and chipped teeth, but he knew that it was bad. He felt tears threatening to rise. Robbie had been so brave, he must have been so scared... 

He lifted Robbie and laid him out in the grass. "Give him room, kids," he whispered, as much for his own encouragement as theirs. His mother and father took his hands, and the rest of them formed a circle around Robbie, enclosing his cousin Lukas as he laid his hands over his chest. 

He closed his eyes, feeling the magic build, concentrating so hard on Robbie, Robbie happy and healthy, ok maybe not healthy, Robbie so beautiful...

_"Ten!"_

Sportacus came back to himself, and saw people were staggering, clutching their heads and shaking their hands like they were burned. 

"A bit too strong, son." Pabbi placed his hand gently on his shoulder, and the circle reformed.

Colour came back to Robbie, and his breathing grew deep and regular. Sportacus cradled him, nuzzling his face into the side of Robbies neck until he knew by the change in tension that Robbie was awake. His face was bleak. He looked towards the cliff edge, back up at Sportacus, then he closed his eyes. 

He carried Robbie back to town, letting his thumb stroke little soothing circles into his shoulder. Robbie was human, he couldn't take as much magic as an elf could, and he was still weak. His arm was draped over his face, and Sportacus knew he was desperate to be alone. His family carried the other kids, except Pixel, who wanted to walk. 

They went to the town square, for the kids to find their parents. It was already set up for the wedding, rows of white chairs facing the steps of town hall, lanterns and candles and white roses everywhere. Sportacus didn't know whether he should take Robbie to the airship or the lair. He sat Robbie in a chair, letting him lean into his chest.

Robbie was desolate, staring into nothing. Sportacus stroked his hair, uncertain how to begin. He opened his mouth a few times, took a breath. Robbie dug his fingers into his arm. 

"Don't." His voice was soft and hoarse. 

He stretched, shifted, sat up. And then, as Sportacus watched, his face changed. Misery, surprise, disbelief, and then pure joy, he was smiling like Sportacus loved to see. 

"What's going on? They told me this gig was a wedding, not a funeral. Do you like my crucifix? The Pope had one just like it."

Robbie was grinning, laughing like a child at the man on the town hall steps. Sportacus peered closely at him. He was... fuzzy, somehow, but he looked familiar, like... like Robbie had when he first met him.

Suddenly it all clicked into place, and Sportacus was laughing too. 

"You want to get married today, Robbie?"

"Be back here in one hour. And if you put a single crease in that suit I made for you, you'll have to leave town forever."

Sportacus grinned, dabbed ostentatiously at Robbie, and was about to run to get ready when an idea occurred to him. He quickly retrieved his pack, full to the brim with the red mountain flowers he'd picked. He shoved it into the arms of Thorstein. 

"This is how you can start to make it up to me. Two crowns, one hour. Go."

The elves all sat one side of the aisle. In a show of solidarity, the kids all sat on Robbies side, which meant their parents sat on that side as well. Bessie sat on Robbie's side, while the Mayor dithered, possibly not sure he ought to show favouritism, until a cry of "Milfooord" had him sitting at her side. Robbie was waiting at the end of the aisle, more beautiful in his tux than Sportacus had ever seen him. 

The ceremony itself was unconventional. Glanni had clearly had little contact with organised religion, and his sermon involved a rambling anecdote about the President's car, a digression on the recent loss of his favourite switchblade, and several pointed asides to Sportacus, boasting about Robbie's prowess in the bedroom. The glamour meant that it all passed over the heads of the human audience, although Robbie looked as though he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. Several of Sportacus' family cheered. 

"...but they're in love, and that's what matters," he finished off by saying. "Look at them, so cute, so happy. It's disgusting! They obviously belong together. Does anyone have a problem with that?" When nobody responded to the slightly threatening delivery, he beamed. "Ok! You're married now. Get on with it."

Diana brought the flower crowns to the front. Sportacus took one and placed it gently in Robbie's hair. He took a few steps back, making sure he was clear of the steps and the chairs. And he danced. 

He danced on his wedding day, flips and jumps and handsprings, flowing from form to form like water. The townspeople oohed and aahed. His father sobbed. 

Sportacus came to a halt in front of Robbie, catching his breath, heart so full of love and longing he thought he might burst. Robbie looked bemused for a moment, then seemed to suddenly realise what to do. He took the other crown and placed it lightly on Sportacus' head, and they kissed, long and deep. In the background, Pabbi blew his nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really admire people who research Icelandic folklore, or who know the language of flowers, for their fics. I play Skyrim, so they are just red mountain flowers in the crowns. Skyrim has red mountain flowers. Skyrim has elves. Boom. 
> 
> Smut next chapter. 
> 
> Chapter title: Arcade Fire - Here Comes The Night Time


	5. Like I'm floating in the air

Life was funny, Robbie thought to himself. You might start the day lying at the foot of a cliff, with blood in your mouth; and then end it as a married man, sitting in a chair with a glass of champagne and a slice of cake as big as your head, watching your hyperactive husband teaching a bunch of excitable kids a new dance routine. As far as Robbie was concerned, it was just yet another argument for getting up late, so as to miss the bad parts. 

He was married to Sportacus. They had kissed, they had danced ( _...it's easy to live, when you're in love, and I'm so in love..._ ), they had worn their ridiculous, gorgeous flower crowns. Robbie hated dancing in public, but he found he just didn't want let Sportacus go. 

After their first dance, Sportacus had wanted to raise the tempo. The kids had been desperate for Robbie to dance with them as well, but he'd played the "risked my life saving you ungrateful brats" card, and they'd all laughed and brought him food and a cushion for his chair. 

He looked around, saw candles and flowers. Saw Glanni and Íþróttaálfurinn sharing a drink. Glanni was - meowing? - and Íþróttaálfurinn was roaring with laughter and slapping him on the back. Robbie didn't want to know. The Mayor and Ms Busybody were dancing, Pixel was talking brightly with Sportacus' mother, and his sister and his cousins were... Ah. They were coming towards Robbie.

Surrounded by sports elves, he tried to use his height to look superior, while simultaneously wanting to shrink back into his chair, resulting in a kind of awkward half-shrug. 

"Don't worry, Robbie!" Thorstein put his hand on Robbies shoulder. "We just... We felt really bad about what happened earlier. And we wanted to finish healing you, so you can, you know, enjoy the rest of your night. "

"That doesn't sound... so bad, I guess..." Robbie got to his feet and they surrounded him, all placing their hands on his shoulders and back. Robbie hated being touched by strangers, and he was about to shrug them off, but then he started to feel... good. 

He suddenly really, really needed to see Sportacus.

The elf was still dancing. Hair dishevelled, bow tie loosened, Robbie thought he'd never seen him so handsome. He kissed his husband, tasting honey and cream. 

"My Robbie!" Sportacus giggled with delight. "Are you ok? Are you having a good time?"

"I think, actually, I might be ready to get out of here," Robbie murmured. 

"Ok..." Sportacus swallowed. "Ok."

A crowd gathered to wave them off. Sportacus gave his crystal to Diana, and then they climbed into the skychaser, which appeared to have streamers attached to the back of it. They rose, fell, and then rose again, wobbling slightly. 

"How much honey did you have?" 

"It's ok, I've got it, I've got it... Ah!" Robbie smirked, but then buried his face in Sportacus' back, and didn't look round again until they were safely on board the airship.

Sportacus looked so happy, so excited, even for him; and it made Robbie feel proud and possessive and slightly achy with disbelief that this should be happening to him, _because_ of him. He leaned into Sportacus and kissed him, cupping his face in his hands, thumbs brushing his cheekbones while his fingers carded through his hair. 

"Sportacus," he murmured into his ear. "Sportahusband."

"My Robbie..." Sportacus breathed back, dissolving into a low helpless moan as Robbie grazed his earlobe with his teeth. "Bed!" He just managed to gasp. 

Robbie growled his approval and pushed the jacket from Sportacus' shoulders, running his hands with appreciation down the crisp white shirt beneath. He loved all the little zips and latches on Sportacus' uniform, it made undressing him like unwrapping a present, but there was something to be said for the sensuality of slowly removing a shirt, one button at a time... Sportacus appeared to think so too, judging by his breathing and the soft moans he made as Robbie caressed every inch of warm, taut flesh as he revealed it. It was possibly the first suit he'd ever owned, Robbie mused, certainly the first he'd been peeled out of. 

He pushed Sportacus gently back into the bed and eased his pants down to his knees. His erection sprang free, thick and juicy and gorgeous, with such a pretty pink flush at the tip...

If anyone had called Robbie orally fixated he would have sneered at them, probably around a mouthful of candy, but fuck it, his mouth was watering. He went to his knees and tongued the tip of Sportacus' cock, making sure to taste every drop of precum as he pushed his foreskin back. Working him with his tongue, he stretched his lips over him, taking more and more down, groaning with pleasure at the strain in his jaw an the sweet, heady musk. Sportacus began pulling his hair, which _fuck yes_ , and it took him a moment or two to realise he was pulling him off.

"Robbie, so good, Robbie, but I want to see your face."

"M' sorry," he mumbled, "I just, I want to lick every inch of you."

Sportacus beamed. "We have all the time in the world for that, my husband, my Robbie. Come be naked with me."

Robbie stripped, quickly and gracelessly, and then Sportacus pulled him down on top of him, so that he was straddling Sportacus' hips and their cocks were grinding together. They kissed deep and sloppy, and Robbie could feel Sportacus' palms sliding lower down his back until he had both hands on his ass, squeezing firmly with a moan of appreciation. 

"Want you in me so bad... Can I ride you, Sporty?"

He was answered with a growl. Sportacus reached for the bedside lube, then gently pulled Robbie down until their foreheads were touching, so that he had to support himself on his hands and knees, gazing straight into Sportacus' eyes as he felt the tip of one soft, callused finger beginning to explore. 

His fingers were thick and strong, and soon Robbie was almost sobbing at how vulnerable he felt, being worked open like this. Sportacus gave him little kisses and stroked his face and his hair. He didn't stop looking into his eyes. 

His hands went to Robbie's hips, bracing him and guiding him to sink down slowly. He was so big, oh god, oh help, oh _fuck_... Oh yes. 

Robbie settled into position then set up a slow, lazy pace. Sportacus rolled his hips up to meet him, and damn if he couldn't watch those abs do that all day. 

"Love your big fat cock," he moaned. "Love your eyes, love your hands, love that smile you do when you're happy."

"I am... almost always happy, Robbie."

"I know, you do it all the time... I love you Sporty, I don't want this to end, but I can't, I'm going to..."

"Come for me, my Robbie." And then his hand was on Robbie's cock, stroking and squeezing in time with his thrusts, and Robbie could only cling to his shoulders for support, fingers digging in so hard he left marks as he came. Sportacus fucked him through it, fucked him until he was almost too tender to bear it, then he came into Robbie with a final jerking thrust and a soft choked cry. 

Robbie collapsed forward onto Sportacus' chest, his own cum streaking his belly and thighs, Sportacus' gradually oozing out of him. He felt happy, sated, a sticky mess. 

They showered together, tenderly washing and rinsing each other's bodies and then hair. Sportacus tried to use the suds to recreate Robbie's pompadour, and the sound of his laughter had Robbie stirring again. Well. Maybe it was just the occasion, or maybe the young elves had... _overclocked_ him a bit, whether by accident or intentionally Robbie couldn't say, but he certainly wasn't going to let this go to waste. 

He ran the showerhead up and down Sportacus' cock, all the while licking gently at the spot he liked just behind his earlobes. As the elf groaned with pleasure he worked the stream of water lower, circling his balls, letting it play on the little strip of skin behind them. Then he parted his buttocks and let the water jet right over his asshole, sucking firmly on his earlobe now, and Sportacus was whining and jerking his hips forward into the empty air. 

"Back to bed," Robbie ordered him, and Sportacus ran so eagerly, Robbie was surprised he didn't dab first. 

He laid him out face down, knelt behind him, and let his tongue stroke over the little ring of flesh a a few times before darting in. Sportacus tensed all over and gave a high pitched cry, before surrendering as Robbie began to work gently with his tongue. It was the filthy intimacy of the act that was almost too much for him, Robbie thought, as he watched Sportacus' toes curl and his hands fist desperately in the sheets. 

He alternated with a finger every time his tongue got tired, then two. Eventually Sportacus' cries became so piteous and his hole was twitching so invitingly that Robbie could no longer resist. He slicked himself with lube and eased smoothly forward until he was buried in Sportacus as deep as he could be. Sportacus was sweating, he was groaning, and as Robbie entered him he began gasping, "oh Robbie, Robbie, Robbie, thank you Robbie..."

A spark of something hot and heavy leapt in Robbie's belly and he began to thrust. 

"I _like_ that, Sporty," he growled. "Should have you thank me every time I ride your ass, thank me as you're taking my cock..."

"Thank you Robbie, thank you thank you thank you..." and then he was just chanting Robbie's name over and over until it descended into a babble of Elvish. Robbie sucked his ear and stroked his cock until he came, clenching so hard that Robbie saw stars and followed him. 

They lay together, smiling dazedly and stroking each other's faces, all little kisses and soft words. They were just as sticky and sweaty as they had been before, but entirely lacking the motivation to do anything about it. Then Sportacus gathered Robbie into his arms and pulled him bonelessly back against his chest as he spooned him. 

"My Robbie, my husband," he whispered as Robbie let himself sleep. 

He was lying on his back, suffocating in the open air, drowning in his own body, but this time he was all alone. Sportacus, his family, his father, all watching him, but not helping, no one was coming to save him and the troll was getting closer and closer...

He woke up sobbing and struggling, flailing against the strong arms that surrounded him, Sportacus was holding him and murmuring "breathe, Robbie, breathe."

He felt the broad chest against his back, tried to time his own gasps with the steady rise and fall, and gradually he settled. 

"Nightmare, Robbie?"

"Well what do you think, Sporta-" he snapped, and then, "sorry, sorry. I just, I think I'm going to be having them again for a while."

"Well, I'm going to be here for a while."

Robbie let Sportacus kiss him and soothe him, and they cuddled for a while, half hard but neither of them really wanting to do much about it, until suddenly they did, and then they gently stroked and teased themselves and each other to conclusion. 

"I have a treat for you, Robbie," Sportacus said teasingly after they had showered. He was back in his uniform. Robbie was wearing his striped pajama bottoms and one of Sportacus' tshirts, which was both too short for him and too big around. Sportacus lead him to a chair, wrapped a towel around his neck. "Razor! Water! Soap!" he called to the ship. 

"You know, yelling razor in my ear isn't as relaxing as you might think," Robbie remarked. 

"Sorry Robbie... Do you like it?" 

"I like it a lot. Is this my treat?"

"This is... a treat for me," Sportacus replied softly, and Robbie was enchanted at his lowered eyes and his blush.

Robbie was slightly nervous, knowing that Sportacus never shaved, never did much more with his whiskers than wax them up a bit. He had told Robbie that it was extremely painful to bend or break them. But his hand was steady as a rock as he shaved Robbie in smooth, even strokes. 

Apparently satisfied with his handiwork, he nodded, towelled Robbie dry then applied a sweet smelling lotion. 

"Your treat is pancakes," he announced, and leapt out of the airship. He returned shortly afterwards, somehow balancing a plate piled high with pancakes, bacon, whipped cream, syrup and berries. A second plate was covered in berries and cream. 

"Why not just use the airship kitchen?" Robbie was impressed nonetheless. 

"No, no! Ms Busybody made these, I don't know how. I have a deal for you though. For every piece of sportscandy you eat, I will learn to cook a new receipe for cake."

"That hardly seems fair." Robbie frowned. "I have to eat a whole piece of sportscandy?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from The Futureheads - Heartbeat Song. 
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this fic! Thanks so much to everyone for your kind comments and enthusiasm. 
> 
> What next? Honeymoon fic? Glanni shitposting? More Robuminium shenanigans? Do I start the peppy Bosmer paladin/grumpy Imperial technomage Skyrim crossover fic of my nightmares. Or actually do the studying I'm meant to be doing? Stay tuned!

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title is from I'm Tickled Pink by Jack Shaindlin


End file.
